Heh.. hehehehe

HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA im losing it. I need to go outside. I havent even been in for nrokntgaok. am i lonely. No
Im really sleep deprived. I don't think my family has noticed, but i havelt slept for a whole day and a half. I've had mirco naps and little 5 minute moments where my eyes just kinda shut and my brain slows for a moment, butttt idk if that really counts as sleeping. why is it soo difficult to make friends nowadays. it's like there no where to make friends except online and at school. The problem with online friends is that I cant read their intentions. There's no face. Irl it's easy to read people. I can tell if they are geniuenly good people or rotten scum, but online it's like talking to a wall that prints out messages in response to what a say. I feel like I will never truly understand someone online. I feel like im a total burden talking to someone online. Thats also why i suck at keeping in contact with people outside of irl connectins. the only people who have passed my test are people who have encountered me trying to ditch them. The first person to break past my barriers before meeting me irl is this one guy. He texted me bc he wanted to befriend people who were in the same grade before school even started. As it turns out we actually got along pretty well and I began to let some of my walls fall. I began to feel my usual fear of commitment settle in and i did something I had never done before. I decided to warn him about my commitment issues beforehand, so that if I start to dissapear he would understand that I do genuienly want to be friends, but I was just geting nervous. Once I finally ghosted him, he was the first person to actually persist. It's not like he was texting me all day every hour, but he was sending memes for texting little things every 1-2 days. After I hadn't responded for almost a whole month I came back and sent a stupid meme in response. It was funny that that was the first thing I sent in forever, but we continued chatting as if I had never left at all. Once I met him in person when the school year started I was a little worried at our friendship because I found him kinda annoying, but he's not always that bad. I don't like him in any romantic sense. The way im talking sounds like I have a crush, but I def don't see him that way. I have a friend on reddit- or, I think we are friends at least- I thnk we get along pretty well. I tend to vent a lot to her on accident but she doesn't seem to mind. she's from poland which sounds nice compared to the war threats going on in america rn :P I like talking to them but idk if she like me talking to her. I scared that she actualyy is super annoyed about me constantly texting her, but idk. I like her tho :) hehe I've been typing everything going on in my mind without realizing. Do i only put entries here whenever im sleep deprived af or what