Word Vomit Central

 This is just a quick update to my journal cause it is morning and I'm bored in class. Music stuff is at the end cause I love music.

I went to a girl scout camp over the weekend and it was fun. I will get into the detail later when my heads not hurting. 

How can I go to bed at 5 in the morning after being on my phone and wake up good at 7 am, but when I work on homework till 3 am and go straight to bed I wake up terrible. This is not the first time, but when this happens it is the worst. My head hurt so much and I am so tired.

Music time :)

I got my all state music for next school year and it is super difficult!!! I have never played professional music before so it is a little spooky and fast. I also got my solo for next year omg... I PRACTICED IT ONCE AND IT IMMEDIATELY SHREDDED MY THUMB AND GAVE ME A BLISTER ON 3 FINGERS!! It was fun but definitely will take lots of practice over the summer. Anyway just wanted to write this in before I forget

As much as I like to read and write fan works I despise writing essays. There is a program that most people go into after leaving my school and it has a strong focus on writing and creativity. I had to join another program because I am not the most creative person on earth and I am the WORST at essays. My teacher says I'm a great writer and my friends agree, but the essays at school are so boring and VERY draining. The problem is I end up putting them aside and doing them last minute making it harder to manage new assignments that I could've done. I don't really like using AI on work, but for these assignments I get desperate. I don't directly copy and paste what  AI gives me although it would be so much easier that way. Instead I paraphrase it and change it up into something I would more likely write. It is more of a base for ideas rather than the answers to my problems.

Reports cards are soon and my parents are going to have my head on a stick if I don't get it tf together. I can hear my brain trying to tell myself 'It's fine, It's not your fault, You just missed some school days' BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL IT IS BECAUSE MY TERRIBLE SELF CONTROL AND PROCRASTINATION. I know I can fix this but I just don't and in the end it's gonna suck. Even now I am procrastinating by writing this. 

The school year is coming to an end and I have a bunch of new music for auditions, to develop a repertoire, for performances, and even some competitions. So much is going on!! (ಥ﹏ಥ) I'm really excited for all of this new stuff, but I know damn well unless I get my grades up, I'm fucked. If I don't pass I can't participate in anything!!

To make matters worse, It's exam season! After the eclipse on Monday there's a STAAR TEST!! Everyone hates that test, from the teachers to the students. I'm sure i'll do fine but I'm still a little worried.

I am revisiting a playlist I haven't listened to science the 6th grade and I think it will bring be back into focus as long as I have both earbuds in. I have always had a liking for classical music but honestly I have had an interest in electronic music longer. I was going through a really dramatic and tough time in 6th grade with a bunch of new changes and a new fast paced lifestyle. The music calmed my nerves with the way it itched my brain. I just kinda zone out and next thing you know the work is finished. 

 I definitely think I can recover from my slump, for I have gained some motivation to actually do work with the help of my friends. I like the fact you can change icons in your journal. I change it based on my mood ≧◉◡◉≦

I have only been to my afternoon classes once or twice this week because I keep on being busy!! Yesterday I cooked in my human services class and it was so fun!! We went to a food lab in the school and made pancakes first. They were actually so soft and yummy; it was perfection! ≧ω≦ After we made a type of 'Chex Mix' but better! It had the rice & corn squares, some other chex thing, cheez-its, and pretzels covered in a buttery sauce with spices then put in the oven for a good 30 minutes. It had no reason being SO YUMMY!!1! We also made cookies but... THE PEOPLE COOKING THAT MEAL FORGOT BAKING SODA  AND SALT!!!! They tasted questionable but I still ate them all lol. We also made pizza but I don't really like pizza, so I made the salad and didn't help much after that. ჴ˘ര‸രჴ My fav part of cooking all day was missing all the hard work in classes and being able to relax and take a break. Eating breakfast with my friends and food we cooked from scratch was awesome and made me really happy :)

Some times I wish I was less busy, but last time I had too little my mom didn't like and wanted me to get involved. She thinks I'm doing to much now and honestly I agree, but I can't help it. Everything I do is fun or something that will benefit me in the future. I didn't have anything today so I could focus on my homework for today and the work I missed yesterday. I have a band competition tomorrow and I think we will do just fine. We are one of the top bands in the district so I feel rather prideful about our playing (even if behavior is less than ideal ╮(╯∀╰)╭ ) I get to leave my classes early tomorrow for said competition then afterwards we get to go to nice shopping district for a few hours. My mom is picking me up right after the concert so I can't shop unfortunately, but it's not like I had any band friends to hang out with anyway.

I feel oddly happy right now but i'm not complaining. I got a ton of hw done while listening to one of my fav pieces of music. Because I'm so busy the only time I'm on my phone is any free time I get or time spent procrastinating. I read fanfics on ao3 all night (until I fall asleep at least) or watch yt videos so my days aren't completely all work no play.

For my orchestra we are playing an arrangement of a song so I decided to listen to it on yt  AND OMG I KINDA LOVE IT. My orch is only playing the second movement of the piece but it still sounds incredible! The song is called 'Scheherazade' by Rimsky-Korsakov and it just sounds incredible. I am playing 'The Kalander Prince' and I'm so excited to hear how it sounds finished. There is a section in "The Sea and Sinbad's Ship' AND IT IS JUST (˃ᆺ˂) WOW! It features an awesome call and response section between the violin and the clarinet. (I think) I have been listening to it on repeat. Even now after I'm finished with my hw for today writing this at 00:12 I am listening to it :)

Was super tired and too bored to do homework yesterday :(

I ended up having a band clinic yesterday and had to stay after school for the second time in a row, but the thing is, I did not even get to stay the entire time! Halfway through I had to leave for a church event. I plan on getting confirmed into my church soon and it is kinda a big deal,but I just don't understand it's significance (yet.)

Today it was kinda a normal day which honestly was a little weird. I went to school then rode the bus back home with no events or interruptions. 

I am honestly getting kinda bored of roblox. I really like their new 'The Hunt' thing.but there is not nearly enough time for me and my busy schedule to have fun and get much done, also why did they make a whole new thing instead of just continuing to call it an egg hunt. Speaking of egg hunt, I have been trying to finish CoolMathgame's egg hunt but it's kinda hard lol. The hints are not very helpful but I still have time during school.

I'm thinking about starting to write fics after reading them for like 3 years now. I've almost run out of the fan-fics that have the tags that I normally read! I don' t think I have a very wide vocabulary or a good ability to put what i'm thinking into words. ( ˘︹˘ )

I think I have some form of impostor syndrome. I'm always holding myself back so much it's hurting me, but when I do try to get over it I end up biting off more than I can chew. I really hope one day I can get over it, so I can really reach my potential.

I had a lesson with my harp teacher today. She is really nice, and knows all of my middle and high school phases [6th grade emo phase (╥﹏╥)] I ended up accidentally learning my solo by memory and she was really happy with me. I loved the praise :) I'm glad I like music it is really nice and important to me. I'm listening to options for future solos and really like this one piece. It is called 'Great Day' by Nancy Gustavson. I really hate doing glissandos, but the song is just so catchy It has been on loop! I really hope to learn it soon.

Note: Most of the entries in this journal are written at different times throughout the entire day